I Think I'm Addicted...

...to running that is.

This past Saturday I ran my second 5k, nine days after my first 5k ever. I was a little worried about the weather because a cold front was pushing through. I don't really care about the temperature, but cold fronts around here bring wind, and lots of it. When you're my size and have roughly the aerodynamics of a barn, wind can be a race killer. But a little before race time not only was the temperature in the balmy 50s, there was no wind.

I got in line to pick up my race packet an hour before the starting horn and the line was seriously long, but the people around me were friendly. The time passed quickly and I soon had my race packet in hand. I then headed to the port-a-john. And that's where things went bad.

The grass was wet from the morning mist, and so the floor of the port-a-john was a sloppy toxic mess. There was nowhere to set my race packet while I took care of business. In a flash of brilliance, I opened the door and set my packet down on the ground just outside the door. When I was done, I re-emerged to find someone had stolen my packet.

It was now less than 5 minutes from start time. By the time I found a race official, I barely had time to pin on a non-numbered bib and scribble down my name and address for them to send me an extra shirt if they have any extras. I was seriously pissed, but the starter horn was going off, so I tried to put it all out of my mind and started running.

I started near the back of the pack, and as a result I had my work cut out for me dodging strollers and gaggles of walkers. Before I realized it, I was passing the 1 mile marker. I tried settling into a rhythm but the pace that felt comfortable was way too fast, and I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain it--I was running about an 8 minute mile pace!

The 2 mile marker I was really hurting, and so I made the decision to walk a minute or two, knowing I have a real problem getting started again after walking. I walked for 2 minutes and forced myself to start running again. I pushed onward and finished in 28:44.4 according to RunKeeper on my phone. Since my race timer was in my race packet. That's the real bummer, no official time.

It's almost a 5 minute improvement over previous race. I had a coughing attack after finishing, so I'm not entirely convinced I'm 100% yet.

All in all, I'm happy. I'll take it.

The Day After

Thank you for all the supportive comments on yesterdays post. I truly appreciate them. I know I'm super hard on myself. Always have been. Fatal flaw? Maybe.

I made myself get up off my tail and go to the gym today, mostly because I signed up for another 5K next Saturday, haha! I want another shot at it!

Workout went pretty well, and it was good for me. I was able to tell that the cold really is pulling me down, as on the ultra-measurable treadmill, I wasn't able to hit hit marks I've hit before. I did manage 25 minutes at a 9:15 pace, but I've previously run 30 at that pace, and wasn't wiped like I am today after just the 25. I started coughing and hacking and had to walk the rest of my workout.

I'll take tomorrow off, run Sunday and Monday, rest Tuesday, run Wednesday and Thursday, rest Friday, and race on Saturday. Hoping I'll be much improved by then. I'm also hoping to move at least half those workouts outside. Much different running outside than on the treadmill, and I'm positive that was working against me too. Slightly different muscles I think.

My wife and I were silly and got up for Black Friday sales. We got to Kohl's by 0330 and the parking lot was full. Once we were inside we were able to locate our items fairly quickly though. Then we went to get in line to check out. The checkout ran from the registers at the front of the store, all the way to the back of the store, then doubled on itself and went all the way up front again...

Uh, no. Not worth it.

So we went to IHOP instead and had omelets (which are surprisingly large for a surprisingly small number of calories). It was a fun date. We came home, got back in bed for a couple hours until the kids got up, and then did our shopping online instead.

I love the internets.

Well That Was...Fun

We're back from the race and I've had a hot shower.

As mentioned before, it got cold. Very cold. When we left the house this morning it had dropped from 64* to 47* in about 45 minutes. Now that we're home it's currently 36*. The wind is still blowing, but only 10-15 mph instead of 20 mph, but the wind chill is 29*. There were sprinkles of rain throughout the race.

But really the weather conditions weren't the tough part. For the first mile and a half I felt pretty good. We were cruising at a little faster than 10 minute pace, and we warmed up once we were running. But then this damn cold I've been fighting kicked in and my chest started tightening up. By about mile 2, it was clear I needed to walk. I waved my wife on and walked for a ways.

My wife finished close to 31 minutes which is the fastest she's ever run a 5k, especially considering the course was 3.18 miles, rather 3.1 (Awesome job sweetie!). She did amazingly well. I finished about 2 minutes behind her, and several minutes over my fastest 5k to date (about 28 minutes).

I'm trying hard to help my wife celebrate her success, but the truth is I'm devastated, and embarrassed. Not only did I not perform very well, I didn't even run the whole course. I'm so frustrated this cold had to hit when it did. It kept me out of the gym for 5 days, kept me up at nights, and dragged me down at the race. I've been preparing for this morning for 6 months, and the only time I've been sick in those 6 months is the week of the race. I'm just really, really disappointed. I should be happy for just finishing at all given where I started, but I'm not. It puts a lot of pressure on me for the next race, because now I have no excuse not to improve my time...

It also made me realize that though I've come so far, I still have a long, long road to go--29 lbs. 29 lbs is a LOT of weight. It's more than my wife wanted to lose TOTAL. It's what I have LEFT, after 6 months of hard work. Why oh why did I ever let myself get this way?!

Embarrassing.

Thanksgiving (aka Race Morning)

47*F and dropping. 20 mph winds gusting to 35 mph.

This?

Is going to be interesting.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This? Is Not Good

My inaugural 5k race is coming up on Thursday.

I haven't been to the gym in 3 days and the way I feel makes tomorrow seem iffy also. I've come down with a cold that has settled comfortably in my chest. I'll spare you the gruesome details, but if my patients coughed up some of the funk I've hacked up recently, I'd be grabbing for a sterile specimen cup.

Lucky for us it's forecast to be 47* and rainy for the race.

In other news I've started my Capstone hours. I've been assigned to work nights on the Transplant ICU at Gargantuan Hospital. My preceptor rocks, so that takes away the sting of not getting to spend the time on my home unit.

Oh and today my wife and I are preparing Thanksgiving dinner for 53 people at a low income housing apartment complex.

Welp, back to the kitchen.

Hodge Podge

I'm continuing to lose weight despite being a little loose with my calories lately. In fact I flared back up to almost 246 after having a low of 242.8 recently. However as of today I was back down to 242.0, so a new low benchmark set. I've done decently with calories today. The good news of yesterday afternoon made it that much easier. A big part of my extra calorie excursions were of the liquid form--as in alcohol--as a result of my being passed over for the Level II hospital's critical care internship. I feel like I'm back on track though.

On a related note, today I wore a pair of jeans I had been clinging to before losing weight, even though they were really too small and too tight. In leaving the house for errands I managed to get out without a belt on, and it turns out that was a big mistake. I could barely keep them on my body. When I got home I attempted it, and the pants slid off easily without unbuttoning them. So, it appears my skinny jeans are now to big to be my fat jeans even...

On another semi-related note, part of my calorie-cheating came whilst having friends over to the house for dinner. We've known this couple for several years but haven't really done any one on one time with them. We had an awesome time--in fact my wife and I both were going to bring up to the other how much fun we had. They have three great kids that match up in age to our two youngest, and they had a blast running around the house like a squadron of fighter/bombers making all kinds of noise. It was a truly comfortable evening. I made a pizza from scratch, using my breadmaker to put the dough together, and then topping it in a mostly margherita style. I laid down some Muir Glen Organic pasta sauce and covered that with a few cups of finely chopped spinach. Then came a layer of grated mozzarella cheese overlaid with thinly sliced tomato rounds. I topped it all off with chopped fresh basil, and finished with a flourish of cubed fresh mozzarella round from the gourmet cheese counter. I wish I'd taken pictures because it was not only extremely delicious, it was also pretty!

My wife and I registered for our local Turkey Trot for our debut 5K. I'm pretty nervous because I've only run on the treadmill, I haven't run outside. Until today that is. We went to a local park with a jogging trail and did a lap. It was only 1.09 miles, but I really want to take it slowly because I don't want to risk getting hurt because of the new surface. It was then that I realized running isn't about the races anymore. It's my avenue to getting fit and losing weight, and if that means treadmill only, I'm so there. I just don't want to risk an injury that's going to set me back. We'll see how I feel in the morning.

My last final exam and a big scary OSCE are today. After that I'll only have my 96 hour Capstone left before I'm awarded my BSN. Did I study at all last night. Not a lick. I so don't care. I'll probably end up with a B in my gero class, but I simply don't care. It's only a 2 hour class and I think I wrapped up all A's in the other 12 hours I'm taking. We finally got our Capstone assignments--several weeks after others in my class. I got assigned to the Transplant ICU at Gargantuan hospital. I'm a little frustrated with that assignment because my very first choice was the CVICU where I'll be interviewing soon. And two of my clinical-mates are IN the CVICU. Grrr.

That's probably enough randomness for now.

I'm Melting, I'm Melting...

Ok, I don't have any flying monkeys as lackeys, and I do get wet on a regular basis (I shower at least once week), but I do feel a bit like I'm melting.

On the treadmill tonight I suddenly realized I was feeling the hem of my shorts brushing my calves, which was an odd sensation--one I hadn't felt before. It was then I realized I was literally running out of my shorts. My athletic shorts were falling off of me. I yanked them back up, but it was just a couple of minutes later that they were sliding again. I had to cinch the drawstring down to keep them on!

Then in the shower after my workout, my wedding ring slipped off my finger and fell to the floor of the shower. Lucky for me, it didn't roll down the drain, because that would've really sucked. Not to mention tough to explain to my wife...

Workout was a good one, 30 min on the hill climb function at a 10 min pace, then I pushed myself an extra two minutes. 706 calories.

Oh yeah, 242.8 lbs.

Beast of Burden

My kids were invited to a birthday party yesterday. It was for the son of one of my wife's friends from work, but my wife worked the night before and the night of, so the responsibility of taking the kids fell to me. It was at the zoo which is a great idea for a little boy's party, except...

You may have heard it's Halloween this weekend. Our local zoo is really awesome, it's one of the best in the country I think. Better even than the famed San Diego zoo. Every Halloween they put on a Boo at the Zoo event for the kids, and I would imagine that most zoos in the country do something similar. But given the popularity of this particular zoo, it's a major, major event. And that translates into a nightmare of traffic and parking. The zoo is set back from the main road about 2 miles, and all along the drive leading up to the main zoo parking lot are open grassy fields and park areas with playgrounds and whatnot, each with its own parking lot. To give you an idea of how much traffic there was, it took us 40 minutes to travel from the main road to the current active parking area. And on top of that, they were parking people on the grassy fields, because all of the lots were full already. This left us over a mile from the entrance of the zoo.

Walking in was ok, I stashed the youngest in his umbrella stroller and everyone was so excited it was an easy walk. Lucky for us we already had our tickets, because the line to buy tickets had to have been several hundred people deep--at each ticket booth. Once we got in, it was a nightmare tangle of people everywhere. Add to the mix the free candy the zoo was handing out for the event, and the kids were so hopped up on sugar that the entire event was destined to reach critical mass.

We arrived a little before the party started, and when all the kids from the party headed over to the candy scoring portion of the event, we chose to go see animals instead. We saw parrots, and lions, and tigers, and bears, and oh my...

After the party of course the return trip to car was a different story. Little kid feet were not happy and excited anymore, and over a mile is a long way for little legs. I ended up with my 4 year old on my shoulders. The walk in had been effortless for me thanks to my new found fitness, but the added weight of my daughter on my shoulders really kind of tired me out by the time we made it back to the Jeep. And then it hit me, at my new lowest weight of 245 lbs, I am 39 lbs down from my heaviest. My daughter weighs a few more pounds than that, but just. With her on my shoulders, I was very near the weight I used to be, and my knees were hurting me, and my hips were aching. I was winded, and sweaty.

It was a very literal demonstration of exactly how far I've come, even without realizing exactly all the benefits I've reaped to date. I have 33 lbs to go to hit my goal weight. I'm not sure if I'll make it that low or not because it seems my weight loss has started to slow a bit. We'll see.

Interviewed

I interviewed for the critical care residency at Level II hospital today. Let me tell you, this interview was no joke--they were not messing around. There were 5 of them, and if you're keeping score there's only 1 of me. The educator in charge of the residency conducted the interview, and the other 4 in attendance were managers from various ICUs.

Honestly though, I just took a deep breath and forced myself to relax. They were all very courteous and friendly, for which I was thankful. I at least felt like I was charming them a bit.

And then the questions started. First up were the expected questions, "Why our hospital?" And "Why critical care?" Then she cut to the situational questions. Fifteen of them. Fifteen! There was only one that I stumbled a bit on--I asked that we skip it and when we came back to it, I had a ready answer.

The program sounds pretty sweet--it's two years long. The first 3 weeks are hospital and nursing orientation. Then comes 4 weeks on each of the 5 ICUs. Then it's match day, and the home unit starts the full on orientation for at least 12 weeks. Then the remainder of the 2 years is spent working and still some class time. The residency closes out with a CCRN class and the CCRN exam. In return, the hospital wants a 3 year commitment starting with the residency.

I feel pretty good about the interview, but they are interviewing through the end of next week. So we'll see.

***********

I got to run with my wife today for the first time in several months. It was a good workout. 30 min at a 10 min pace, but on the hill climb function on the treadmill. I only had it set on level 1, but it was good for 674 calories. Weighed in after my workout at 245.0.

On Quitting

I quit.

No, really, I quit on a regular basis. It's not usually at anything earth-shattering, but it happens. I've noticed it most recently at the gym. The treadmill is a very objective way to measure performance, so when I set a benchmark it's all to easy to see my progress, or lack thereof.

I don't understand what the difference is from day to day. For example, I've run 30 minutes at a 10 minute pace numerous times. In fact I recently ran 40 minutes at that pace. Yet, some days I end up pulling up and walking less than 15 minutes in. I don't sense that I'm hurting any more than the days that I'm more successful--I just seem to have less tolerance. Sometimes something else going on in life is bothering me so badly that I simply can't cope with the discomfort of working out.

It's very frustrating to me. I'm aware that this reveals a great deal about my character, about my mental toughness. Or rather, my mental weakness.

This pattern of quitting carries over into all aspects of my life.

Did I quit too soon when life got uncomfortable after I graduated chiropractic school? Did I give up too easily? Did a little adversity cause me to fold and abandon the profession altogether?

Why was I so quick to post about being done with my marriage? Why did I want to quit after being with my wife since 1999? Is 11 years of commitment so easy to discard?

When one of my better friends from my small group at church tries to challenge me and my faith, why do I simply consider ending the friendship? Sure he isn't particularly good at being diplomatic, and has a certain talent for getting under my skin, but he, his wife, and kids are also among my wife's, my kid's, and my better friends. Why would I simply choose to remove them from our lives?

Because I quit.

It's an embarrassing habit to admit.

This weekend at work I helped take care of a gentleman that wasn't particularly old (middle 50s). He was a relatively newly diagnosed diabetic, and he was having a hard time complying with his regimen of care. He was on our unit for a round of DKA--he came in through the ER with a sugar in the 1200s. His wife was attentive and present. And she was trying her damnedest to get him to change his ways.

We got his sugar down, but he was terribly brittle. His hourly checks were jumping all over the place, sometimes 300-400 points in an hour despite being on an continuous insulin drip. But his level of consciousness was improving and his wife was able to talk with him. Even then she remarked at how depressed he was, and we reassured her that it was just the severe blood sugar extremes his body had been dealing with.

We began having a little trouble keeping his sats up. Every time he'd doze off, he'd start de-satting, and we kept having to rouse him, get him to deep breath and cough, and crank his O2 up to keep him above 95%. We paged the pulmonologist to come take a look at the patient, to possibly discuss a planned intubation, rather than having to emergently tube him in a crisis.

When the doc walked in to assess him, the monitor started alarming. Sats were fine, but his HR was dropping. As we watched he dropped from the 60s to the 50s to the 40s. I dashed across the hall to wheel in the crash cart, and by the time I got back he was dropping from the 30s into the 20s. And he just kept dropping. All the way to asystole. Code doses of epi and atropine didn't produce so much as a wiggle in his ECG. CPR perfused him a little, but as soon as we'd let up, he was still flat-lined. After 34 minutes of coding him, his wife asked us to stop. And the doc declared him.

We were all a little shocked, and completely at a loss to explain what had happened to him to his wife. But she knew.

"He just gave up," she said.

"He quit."

-----------

Saturday evening I went to the gym. There was only 1 other person upstairs in the cardio area when I got on the treadmill. I set a slightly slower pace than usual (5.5 mph instead of 6) just to ensure I'd make it to the end of my 30 minutes--something I'd failed to do in my previous 2 workouts. With Winston Churchill echoing in my ears I then proceeded to run for an hour, covering 5.7 miles and expending 1135 calories.

“Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense."

--Winston Churchill

Four and a Quarter

On Wednesday I had an all around bad day. It should have been a good day. I finished up my management clinical, and then my clinical instructor invited a special guest to post conference. The special guest turned out to be the manager of my first choice unit at Gargantuan Hospital! So while I got to schmooze the manager some more, overall my day was still bad.

It all started with this box of donuts...

I have to leave my house very early to get to Gargantuan hospital at the beginning of day shift, so I typically don't take the time to eat breakfast before I go. When I got to clinical, HR was on the floor to do an inservice on upcoming benefits changes. Naturally, I attended as a part of my clinical experience. Well, she brought donuts. She explicitly offered me some, and not wanting to appear rude (and because I hadn't eaten), I accepted.

And it all went downhill from there.

Before it was all said and done, I had eaten 4 of those puppies. Which surprisingly isn't just a huge amount of calories. However, 4 donuts just isn't very much food, not to mention straight carbs gets emptied from the stomach immediately. So even as the sugar rush washed sickeningly over me, I was still hungry. And then the pounding sugar headache settled in.

After clinical I headed to the gym like I usually do and got on the treadmill. I felt awful. I got 2 minutes into my my first 3 minute interval and had to walk. I then slowed my speed and tried running for time and distance, and didn't make it but 6 minutes more before needing to walk again. I had to do that several times. I ended my workout having only burned 400 calories and running 2.27 miles.

Yesterday was a full day of school work with a major paper to be completed. As the day wore on, I became more and more antsy. I finally succumbed to the call of the gym, and had a fantastic workout. 4.25 mi at a 10 minute pace, 840 calories. Farther and faster than ever before.

30@6

I finally pushed through and ran 30 minutes at a 10 minute pace/6 mph. 2 minute warm-up, 5 minute cool-down, 3.4 miles, 676 "calories" burned.

Oh, and 252.0 lbs.

My Boy, Kanye

I can't believe I'm actually going to admit this in writing, but I'm a big Taylor Swift fan. I think she's the real deal, talented and genuine. I also think she's adorably socially awkward--a trait that I can identify with in a major way. So, clearly this means I think Kanye is a scumbag, particularly for the way he treated Taylor Swift when he jumped up on stage and...well you know that story.

But, this song is totally what came to mind when I finished my workout today. I ran for 32 minutes today at 5.5 mph, faster and longer than I have to date. I felt pretty good while I was on the treadmill too.

When I got home and cooled off and got on the scale. 257.2. I almost got emotional when I saw that number come up. I honestly can't remember the last time I was that weight. It's been years.

Good for the Sole

I haven't mentioned running in detail lately, but it's still the major portion of my workouts. I've increased to running 4 times a week which is huge because it means that I'm running 2 days back to back to make it all fit. In the past there simply was no way that could happen. I needed that day in between to recover, and I was almost always sore or ankles and knees hurting. I have always just attributed that to the fact that I am so overweight. But a veteran runner friend of mine at church mentioned that the research all says that if you want to steadily improve, you really need to be running 4 times a week. 3 times a week maintains, and slowly improves, but 4 times a week makes the difference. I think it's no coincidence that my slow and steady weight loss coincides with my increased frequency of working out.

I still hurt some days, but not every day, and that's an improvement. After completing the C25K program (actually at the end of week 6 we just started running 30 min rather than dragging it out) we were extremely pleased with the progress we'd made. We went from being winded after running the 1 minute intervals in the first week workout to running 20-30 minutes at a time. My only disappointment was the pace at which we ended up--12 minute miles. 5 miles an hour is definitely faster than a brisk walk, but it also wasn't exactly burning up the treadmill either. In fact, I hated glancing over at the mirrors on the wall at the gym while we were running because it revealed exactly how slow a 12 minute mile is. I was dripping sweat, but from the looks of things in the mirror, I was loping along at a light jog.

So I started over.

I am now in Week 2 of the workout plan, except at an 8 minute mile pace. 7.5 miles per hour is actually a comfortable pace for me biomechanically, although I feel pretty much back at square one fitness-wise--dripping in sweat and ragged out at the end of every workout. But it's stretching me, and I can feel myself improving with each workout.

My new workout plan calls for 3 days of the C25K interval training at an 8 minute mile pace, and the fourth day I run a constant pace for 30 minutes. I'm already feeling an improvement 3 weeks in. Today I ran 30 minutes at 5.3 mph, rather than 5.0 mph. It's the fastest I've run 30 minutes. It may not sound like much, but around here we celebrate small gains (and losses!!). More than that, at about 12 minutes in, I think I caught a runner's high. I had a wave of calm and well-being wash over me. My breathing relaxed, and my stride loosened. I haven't felt that sensation since I was running in high school. What a beautiful thing.

I can already tell I'm going to need new shoes in a few months--in fact it's my wife's and my planned Christmas gift to each other. Imagine that, wearing out a pair of running shoes by running.

I never thought I'd be the one to do that...

Rhythm Detected, No Shock Advised

6 days since I've posted. Eek. Bad blogger. Heart still beating though...

In my defense, life has been very full lately. Two full time jobs, 3 children, no daycare--it's a lot for two people to keep up with. And there have been some extra things in the schedule as well. Last week my oldest daughter and I drove 9 1/2 hours to meet up with my parents. She continued on with them another 4 hours to the family farm. She's spending 10 days with grandma and grandpa. I turned around and drove back home, another 9 1/2 hours. We left at 0600, and I pulled in at 0300 later that same day. I covered 1282 miles in 21 hours--average speed including stops for meals: 61.05 mph. Needless to say, I was a little punch drunk the next day.

My dad is planning to drive across the country to the West coast in a couple weeks. He's taking about 10 days, and making scenic stops along the way. I'm contemplating going with him as the timing works out perfectly--I'd get back home the night before my classes start. I was hoping to get away from this metroplex that I hate can hardly stand before classes start up again anyway. It'll be pretty low cost to me since he was planning to go anyway so he'd be picking up most of the tab. Most of all it will be a chance to spend some quality time with my dad. That hasn't happened in a very long time--probably 15 years. Turning 71 this year, he's starting to age a bit. The last few times we've visited, I can tell he's starting to feel the mileage. He finally retired, and they're staying busy, but I can hear the slow-down a bit.

Running has had some lows and highs. Last time I wrote about running, the beginning workouts for week 5 seemed like a step backward. But for some reason, they were NOT. They hurt so bad! They shouldn't have, so I'm not sure what the deal is. But the middle workouts were tolerable, and the final workouts for the week went really well. 20 minutes straight. The first time was on Tuesday, after I'd worked all day. The second was just a little bit ago today, and I actually ran an extra minute, and then jogged the first minute of the cool-down as well. Very gratifying. It was the first workout in a couple of weeks that I didn't have to combat thoughts of quitting the entire program during the latter half of the workout. Sunday we start Week 6. Since we do each week work twice, we've been running for 10 weeks at this point. We've made slow but steady progress. Still no appreciable weight loss, which is frustrating. Can you imagine how much easier it would be to run if you could take a 65 lb backpack off before you started?

Work has been interesting. Joint Commission was at our hospital the last two days. I'll have a post about that coming along soon. And I helped take care of a Pakistani man who came to our country just 10 years ago. Now he has lung cancer, and I'd like to write about that experience as well.

And I certainly hope to make it around to all the blogs on my bloglist, it's been several days...

I Used To Be a Runner

Back in junior high and high school, I ran track. My events were middle distance--the 800m and the 1600m. I also ran the anchor leg of the Medley Relay, and occasionally the 3rd leg of the 4x400m Relay.

I never was a natural born runner. More like I was scrawny and farm-hardened. And stubborn. My times were respectable, but not record setting. My fastest mile was a 5:31, and my fastest 800 was a 2:02 split in the medley.

People that know me today probably have a hard time fathoming the person I used to be. When I say, "That was more than 100 lbs ago," they think I'm teasing or exaggerating. Neither of which is true. So I post this photo as proof--taken at the end of 10th grade. If you haven't recognized me, I'm standing in the back row (on the outside like usual) dressed in the gray shorts and gray tie.

Like I said, "I used to be a runner."

Now I'm more of a Clydesdale...

Hodge Podge

Sorry for the lack of posts, but my wife called in to work last weekend, so evenings I normally would have spent writing blog posts, I spent in family time instead.

Work has been super busy, and I've been working a lot. I'd been assigned a preceptor as an extern, but in the short term she's precepting an actual intern. Normally I hang out with her for the majority of the time I'm at work, with a few exceptions. These days though, since I'm an orphan, I spend more time with more people. I can tell they're beginning to trust me more by the simple fact I'm being sent into rooms to take care of increasingly complex nursing tasks by myself. It's gratifying, really.

"NurseXY, can you go change the chest tube dressings on bed 12?"

"NurseXY, bed 7 needs their central line redressed, do you mind?"

"NurseXY, can you go pull the femoral sheath on bed 4?"

It's nice to be used for more than blood sugars and turns. I seem to be pulling copious amounts of femoral sheaths lately. Most likely it's because the sheer enormity of my hay hooks is enough to scare even the most persistent hematoma into submission. That and when the doc specifies a particular time to pull (instead of relying on a bedside ACT), I have the strength to actually will the femoral artery to clot, simply by applying enough constant pressure to physically push the patient through the bed. It turns out it may actually be possible to return the blood from two trays of 4x4s and a washcloth soaked through back to the patient if you push hard enough...

Running is going pretty well. We're nearing the end of the second week of Week 4. The first workout of Week 5 seems almost like a step back, but the subsequent workouts definitely up the ante.

I had a hiccup last week where I wasn't able to finish a workout. I'd gone to the gym immediately after a counseling session, and unfortunately that was all I could think about on the treadmill. Oddly enough, even when said in a "safe" place, incredibly hurtful things are still hurtful. Especially when they come on the heels of laying your heart and soul bare to highest level of vulnerability. Fortunately, 2 days later I was able to complete the workout without problem, and at a faster speed yet. I'll not be going to gym after counseling again. Too painful. Too many kinds of pain.

That's all for now I think. More soon. Sorry it's not witty or particularly interesting.

Still Here

Well, the sun keeps on coming up, and so here I am.

Regarding my last post, thank you to all with supportive comments for my wife and I, they are appreciated. For those that were weirded out by the awkwardness, I don't blame you--in fact, I'm right there with you.

We've settled into somewhat of a working functional relationship by necessity. Family is in town to visit and we hosted small group at our house last night. Common goals and busyness makes it easier to avoid the real issues at hand. It's clear that we have a lot to work on. And there's time, seeing how out of pure practicality I couldn't establish a place of my own until I graduate and get a job that pays a living wage. Yes, I am incapable of financially supporting even myself at this point.

In other news we moved to the Week 3 workout of the C25K program yesterday. I was nervous since 3 minutes is twice as long as we've run at once before, and the running sessions were still winding me previously. I know how ridiculous that must sound, but 3 minutes is a long time to run for someone who's let themselves go as badly as I have. The good news is, the 3 minute sessions went extremely well and I was impressed with myself.

Right up until I managed to hit the STOP button on the treadmill. I hate that. It's so annoying. Everything just stops, and it takes a minimum of 30 seconds to do the math, get the workout parameters all setup in the treadmill, and get rolling again. I have to imagine that's how a lot of women in this country feel occasionally.

"Wait, you're stopping? You're done? I was just getting to the good part!"

As much as I hate the premature workout termination, the parallel may actually explain why there's so much PMS in this world...

I still have some nagging injuries, an ankle the hurts and swells with every workout, and a new hip-flexor pain that shows up at the end of my workout that makes it hard to even walk the cool down. But overall doing ok. Haven't weighed myself in a week--may get on the scale in a bit. I imagine we'll do Week 3 for two weeks also, Week 4 is a big step up.

One Foot in Front of the Other

Week 3 of running and still going. We're progressing more slowly through the program than scheduled, doing our best to stay healthy by only moving on when it's very clear we're ready. We did the Week 1 program for 2 weeks, and we'll probably do the same with the Week 2 workouts. I feel comfortable doing that since a large portion of our workouts actually happen on days where at least one of us has worked also. When the primary barrier to full on running is fitness level, working a busy 12 hour shift doesn't leave much left over for a running workout. So far we've run at least 3 times a week as prescribed, and completed every workout.

We are starting to feel a little beat up though. Both of us are dealing with knees and ankles that are bothering us. I think mine are more of a nagging nature than my wife's, but they're sore nonetheless. We went to the chiropractor on Tuesday, and are scheduled to go again today.

This morning we broke down and got properly fitted for running shoes. Proper shoes are clearly an important part of healthy running, but it can also be $$expensive$$. Especially if you wear a size 14 like I do. Lucky for me they still had my size in last seasons models so my $140 shoes were on clearance for $83, while my wife's size 8's were only available in this season's shoes of course. Hello full retail price. I got a pair of Brooks Trance 8's, and my wife got some Aisics.

Anyway the running seems to be going pretty well. I don't hate it. I did actually have a great run last week immediately after work where I felt some of the euphoria that people describe, so that was encouraging. Right now we're supposed to be running for 90 seconds and walking for 2 minutes in between for a total of 20 minutes. Yesterday I was able to add another run session at the end of my 20 minutes, and increase the speed to a slightly faster pace. We're not running terribly fast--we start each new workout plan at a 10 minute mile pace. As we progress through the workouts I increase my speed until I hit about a 9 minute mile pace. Not exactly gold medal pace, but I'll keep plugging along.

I'm reluctant to get on the scale based on my recent attempts to lose weight that always start with me losing a bit of weight and then rebounding to my start weight, even though I continue to work out and not change my calorie intake. Regardless I'm down 6 lbs over 3 weeks from 279 to 273.

I feel better though. And it's been no small victory to do my workouts, even on days that I work.

This and That

Several months ago our family lost a long time member and friend. Bo was as much a part of this family as any of us, and losing him so suddenly to an aggressive mast cell tumor was devastating. We miss him very, very much. It wasn't long before the kids started asking for a new dog, and I was surprised to realize that I was ready much sooner than I anticipated. And so we found ourselves on a hunt for new furry friend for our family.

Bo was huge, so walks in the neighborhood meant having to choose between the kids and the dog, and far too often he got left at home. Not to mention the sheer physical space a 95 lb dog occupies in the house. He was fantastic with the kids, but an inadvertent misstep was toe crushing. That in mind, this time we thought we'd like something a little smaller, but still sturdy. Not shedding a fur-baby every few days was another entry on the wish-list. Most of all, I just wasn't sure that any other Golden Retriever would ever live up to the memory of such a remarkable dog as Bo.

The breed that seems to fit all our criteria is the Scottish Terrier, and so I started reading about Scotties. As one of the oldest breeds in the AKC registry, it's even more important to buy from a reputable breeder to avoid congenital issues. I made some contacts and did some networking, and I'm happy to say that we have found our new puppy.

Miss Maggie (a good sturdy Scottish name) is a black female Scottish Terrier bred from two American Major Champions, and is every bit as Scottie as they come. She'll be coming home on my birthday in a few weeks. We're super excited, and we're already planning a little brother for her, we'll name him Wallace (after none other than William Wallace of course), in a year or two.

In other less exciting news nurseXX and I have started a C25K program, and I'm really hoping it sticks. Because quite frankly I'm tired of being fat. It was a post by my friend Running Wildly that really motivated me to get off my duff and try this. I've only done the first workout of the first week, but it went much better than I expected which was nice for once. There seems to be much success around this particular program, so that's encouraging. Our best couple-friends have been running together for about a year now, and it will be fun to register for some races together.

Believe it or not, I was actually quite the runner in high school, running track and cross country. I was middle distance runner and wasn't too shabby. But now that I'm so flabby, things are looking a little different. You should hear the treadmill whine (and grumble, ha!)--not exactly what John Parr had in mind I'm sure--but I'm definitely a man in motion...