Where Has All The Goodness Gone?

Alone.

At home in the living room.

Kids in bed. Wife at work.

And I'm searching for the good. The TV is on--an episode of HouseHunters International. A woman is moving to Paris after battling Stage 3 breast cancer and losing her husband over the last year.

She's looking for the good.

When the show is over, she's happy in her new apartment in a beautiful, romantic city.

My eyes scan the shelves of movies we own, and come to rest on "The Sound of Music". It doesn't get much more good than that. My mind examines why this is? It was a time when there was a definite line in the sand. On this side was the bad. On this, the good. One was the enemy, or not.

70 years later it looks pretty black and white.

But what if the enemy is within?

Where has all the goodness gone?

I live in a comfortable home--a dream completely out of reach for many. Yet I want to move. I long to live in another place. Anywhere but here, really.

I have a job--the deepest desire of many. It used to afford me moments of joy. Delight in saving lives. But now I struggle to tiptoe through each shift worried more that I will do something that will get my hand slapped, or worse.

I am married--and so many are so alone. But I struggle to maintain even the simplest lines of communication. The specter of my insecurities and past hurts and grievances shadows over all.

I have kids--while so many are desperate to bear children of their own. One child that no longer wants to live with me. And my bearish tendencies and low patience threshold send the other two to my wife's welcoming arms.

I feel so very grey.

Where, oh where, has all the goodness gone?